Break The Relationship...

Do you ever feel that sometimes it's really hard to maintain a relationship ? With whoever: your spouse, parents, siblings, children, relatives, friends, even to your working colleagues. It is not that easy to deal with another human being, right ? For we all have differences in way of thinking, perspective and values on how seeing things, and even on what we feel about one thing. It takes two to tango ! It can not be only one side who need to perform, but it takes the other side to also deliver. When there is an action, then you can find a response.

We all are so fragile. Easily break into pieces ! Furthermore, human are complex, and because of those thing, we can just easily hurt each-other. By our ego, our words, and our action. We break each-other's heart, and leave the open wound. It breaks the relationship. And when it happened, it's not that easy to forgive and forget..., and bring back the vessel as it used to be. But we must force ourselves to keep practicing on it, to forgive and to forget ! As it's the only way to have a peaceful mind and life.

Today, one relationship may be broken. But here I am telling to my self: don't cry and don't have bitterness. For bad things sometimes happen for a good purpose. God may wants me to learn a lesson. Sometimes HE has to break us down and shake our perfect little world in order to build back up stronger and better than where we were with HIM before. I am here just try to accept this thing, and thanks HIM for HE knows my limitations and will not push me a step further than I can go !

Friends Across The Globe !

[Stella and I, in our differences we have similarity] 

I always hate to say goodbye ! And I do hate farewell ! I love party, but not farewell party ! But lately, there were quite often farewell party that I have been "forced" to attend. One goes to another  province, while other move to another country, either for work or pursuing study. 

Why can't all the people that I like and I loved are just together in the world around me, and then we just stay and be close together ? Yeach...sometimes it may not possible, right ? For someone would leave you, while other someone may always leaves. Then we would have to say goodbye to them ! 

Today I have to say goodbye to one of my best friend, Stella Hutagalung. Today she is moving to Canberra, Australia to continue her study. Stella is like my own sister. There were lots of common between us. It has been proved that many times our souls have connected, especially when one of us is feeling sad or down. We will miss each other if we don't meet, talk or sending text messages for more than few days. We have shared lots of joy, laugh, and tears. We started this friendship when were still as young girls more than 9 years ago, and we are still best friend to each other on our current stage in life. We both also have same story and struggle as inter-religious couples. Perhaps, the current major differences between us, Stella is now pursuing for her doctorate, while 'am still trying to finish my master thesis ! And the fact that Stella hates being at the ocean, while 'am a diver who loves the blue ocean :D Oya, related to fashion, Stella loves traditional dresses, while I like harajuku's style ! [heii...'am still trying to like batiks !:D] 

It said that nothing makes the earth seems so spacious as to have friends at a distance, for they make latitudes and longitudes. I guess it's true for many of my good friends are now scattered across the globe ! 

Here to my dear darlin, Stella. May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, hopefully either here in Indo or in Aussie, may God hold you tightly in the hollow of HIS hand. And please, tella, remember my advice....while you are there, learn to be selfish for your self :D  I am so proud of you, tella, and I miss you already ! 

Rome Wasn't Built In A Day !

Being worked at the international donor agency sometimes could be very depressed.  You may find some important disagreement about so many things, how to manage the project that you lead or assist, determine the "real" beneficiaries, develop on how much fund to be given to support the project, mechanism on how to implement it, how to monitor it, how to evaluate it, etc, etc, ....and some of these disagreement are perhaps about "values"; how concerned should we be about its good governance [transparency, accountability, professionalism, efficiency, effectivity,  what's else ??? Just name it please !], thus, does it bring positive impact to the larger community or just to certain groups and your circle of network only ! And when it comes about values, then it's all about the soul within you. The essence of all.  

I have those disagreement, then some of it brings disappointment, that I have carried during my involvement in this kind of industry. So much belief and enthusiasm that I have built to see that various of development projects that I have assisted would bring fruitful impact to the larger community, but again, in the reality, it could not worked and failed due to either a miss-management or cause "the bad apples" [here 'am talking about those who lead and involve on to the project, and miss-use of it for their own profit and interest !]. I was once quit and gave up....for so much conflict of interest and negative atmosphere ! I just could not be patient enough to be there ! O yes, there were so many reason that I could give you as my excuses to my last decision !   

But here that I want to admit and also share with you, that many times I forget that "Rome wasn't built in a day" ! It takes a long time to do an important job, an important mission, or to achieve your dream. We just could not expect a quick result on anything that requires for process. We need to fight on things that we want to achieve, we need a process to make it stand on its right place ! Nothing instant, except for your noodle perhaps ! :D 

So, as I also learn to have more patience [and passion] in doing my current work, let us [speak out loud to my self: let me !!!] be sure to do our best on everything that we are fighting for, and let us be patient to wait for the very moment when the result come-out in a perfect time ! Let us just enjoy the ride, enjoy the process and take the best out of everything....and even though at the end the result may not as we want to be, or we expect it to be, still we should be grateful for we have been benefited from the process, in a way or another.....but let us remember this, just don't ever wanne be as the bad apples, please.... ! :D 

Other than have your patience, most importantly, let us have our integrity and dignity, to build another Rome and a better Rome ! 

Welcoming June....

Time flies to fast, suddently already half of this year now, and June is coming.

Yes, time passed so fast, especially if you were studying and working at the same time, just like me....it's so tiring, and sometimes it could be very heavy too ! But that's life, right ? It should never be that easy, but also never that difficult, it just about how you see it, and when you find that life is hard and difficult, just try to see it from the eyes of a child. As adult, we are sometimes "too good" in seeing thing as difficult and complicated, aren't we ???

Now for the next coming six months [or another one semester :D], I need to force my self to write and complete my thesis, and hope there will be no more delay and lazyness [that i am still fighting hard on it now :D], so that I can start make a plan for another journey of life...ooh yes, I have a plan to continue my work and life out of this wonderful city crowd of Jakarta again, somewhere else, with new things that I can learn, new things that I can see, and of course with a new challange of life !

But for time being, I just need to welcoming and enjoying this half of year, this month of June.

And remembering that June is coming, I just suddently remember one of Sapardi Djoko Damano's poem, Hujan Bulan Juni, here I'd like to write it here for I really like this poem, as a celebration of this first day on June, but with no rain.... :D

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Tak ada yang lebih tabah dari hujan bulan Juni
Dirahasiakannya rintik rindunya kepada pohon berbunga itu

Tak ada yang lebih bijak dari hujan bulan Juni
Dihapusnya jejak-jejak kakinya yang ragu-ragu di jalan itu

Tak ada yang lebih arif dari hujan bulan Juni
Dibiarkannya yang tak terucapkan diserap akar pohon bunga itu...

[Sapardi Djoko Damono]