Choose to be Happy

I have a friend and she is been a good friend to me since we were at primary school. About few weeks ago, she delivered her first baby after waiting for more than 4 years. Not only her, but I also very excited to welcome this new baby to be part of our friendship. 

But instead of welcoming her new baby and her new life with full of joy, seems that she becomes depressed with the new responsibility as parents, which is may not as easy as she thought before. She said that she is on what it called a "baby-blues" period. But I really hope that she is just trying to adjusting her life with a new "human being" that she need to taking care from now on ...'till the rest of her life? [pheww......see what a big responsibility for parents !]. Anyway, I really have no idea on how true this phenomenon of "baby-blues" since I never give birth yet, but if having a baby is truly what you want, then why should you "pamper" yourself with this sadness period excuses ? 

A lesson of life to me... Instead of choosing to follow your "mellow" emotion, choose to be happy and enjoy your life. For happiness is a decision that we make, and not an emotion that we feel. And learn to live one day at a time, better yet, make the most of this moment. 

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones" [Proverb 17:22] 

Beri Pancing, Ikan, atau Cangkul ?

Dalam perjalanan pulang malam tadi bersama hubby, kami membicarakan mengenai dampak kenaikan harga-harga bahan pokok dan kontribusinya dalam meningkatkan jumlah orang miskin di Indonesia. 

Buat saya, kemiskinan itu tidak selalu karena atau merupakan masalah kebijakan nasional semata [akibat kebijakan kenaikan harga, dsb] Namun lebih kepada masalah "mikro". Kemiskinan seharusnya tidak semata diatasi dengan memberi insentif atau bagi-bagi uang, tetapi lebih bagaimana mendorong setiap stakeholder [baik pengusaha, apalagi si orang miskin] untuk dapat menjadi lebih produktif, sehingga pada akhirnya dapat mendorong meningkatkan pendapatan. Peran pemerintah adalah bagaimana dapat menciptakan lingkungan yang memungkinkan masyarakat miskin dan juga stakeholder lainnya dapat melakukan kegiatan tersebut. Tentunya perkecualian bagi mereka yang sudah masuk kategori sangat miskin atau sudah masuk dalam jebakan kemiskinan yang parah. Dalam kasus ini, mereka harus ditolong karena tidak dapat lagi menolong diri mereka sendiri keluar dari jebakan kemiskinan tersebut. Misalnya dengan memberikan mereka subsidi komsumsi [bukan subsidi produsen!]. 

Seringkali dalam merancang program pengentasan kemiskinan, para pembuat kebijakan merasa harus mengutip kata-kata bijak Bung Karno dengan membabi-buta. "Jangan memberi mereka ikan, tapi berikan mereka pancing". 

Yang menjadi masalah, seringkali aku mengamati yang dibutuhkan orang miskin ataupun masyarakat lainnya, belum tentu pancing. Dan tidak semua hobi "memancing". Karena buktinya masih banyak orang Indonesia yang takut "air", walaupun 80% negeri ini bahkan dunia terdiri dari "air"...hehehe...Banyak juga yang lebih memilih ingin mendapatkan cangkul atau yang lainnya. Kalau mau gampang sih yaa beri saja ikan....lalu biarkan mereka memutuskan mau memancing untuk mendapatkan lebih banyak ikan, atau memilih melakukan hal lainnya :) 

Dari Sajak M.S. Hutagalung

Berikut adalah salah satu puisi dari kumpulan puisi amang M.S. Hutagalung, dari bukunya yang berjudul "Permata Kehidupan, Sajak-sajak Lansia".  Puisi ini lahir dari pengalaman individual beliau ketika berhadapan dengan berbagai peristiwa dalam kehidupannya. Puisi beliau memang cenderung sendu dan banyak bercerita tentang perenungannya terhadap kehidupan. Puisi inipun nampaknya lahir dari perenungan beliau setelah ditinggal pergi putra pertamanya pada hari natal 2004 lalu. Buatku, membaca puisi beliau ini bagaikan "memaksaku" untuk dapat belajar menjadi lebih bijaksana ....setiap hari....dalam menjalani hidup ini.... 

Melupakan Hari Yang Lalu 

Kadang-kadang aku ingin 

Agar melupakan masa lalu 

Sebab walau lebih banyak sukacita

Aku lebih banyak mengingat dukanya

Dan juga perbuatan-perbuatan bodoh

Duka lara belajar bahasa Arab dan Sanskerta di Fak. Sastra UI

Lebih banyak mencintai dari jauh

Aku berdagang "Langit",  tetapi bangkrut

Selalu tertipu berulang-ulang

Kematian anak tepat hari Natal

Padahal Ia selalu menolongku 

Memberi makan secara ajaib

Cinta keluarga dan teman-teman

Lepas dari hutang

Apakah hidup ini seperti cinta

Yang gagal, teringat seumur hidup

Yang berhasil, hanya gembira sebentar ?

Seperti kata lagu "Plasird Amour" 

Semoga tahun yang baru

Sudut pandangku berobah

Aku harus bijak kalau sudah lansia

Menghitung hari dan berkatNya.... 

 

Rindu Ketenangan

Tuhanku, maafkan aku kalau akhir-akhir ini aku lebih memilih untuk beribadah di ruang kamarku saja, daripada berkunjung ke gerejaMu, ditempat biasa aku pergi setiap hari minggu selama beberapa tahun terakhir ini. Entah mengapa aku malah merasa semakin susah untuk mendengar suaraMu dan merasakan kehadiranMu di sana. Selain terlalu ramai dan sesak, sampai sulit aku menggerakkan badanku karena terjepit orang-orang disebelah kiri-kananku, aku juga merasa semakin susah memusatkan pikiranku untuk mendengar firmanMu disana. Karena mataku malah tak mau lepas memandang suguhan pertunjukan penari-penari altar gereja yang bergerak dengan lincahnya. Menarikan aneka suguhan tarian berirama keras yang menghentak-hentak, yang cukup membuat sakit telingaku. Pikiranku juga seperti susah diatur dan lebih sibuk memperhatikan aneka "pertunjukan" didalam gerejaMu. Seperti sore tadi, aku sampai bertanya kepada diriku sendiri, apakah aku datang ke gereja ini untuk duduk mendengar firmanMu, ataukah karena mau menonton sebuah pertunjukan, yang memang cukup spektakuler dan sungguh tidak membosankan sangkin menariknya setiap suguhan yang mereka tampilkan disetiap ibadah minggu sore. 

Aaahhh....barangkali memang aku yang terlalu "kuno". Soalnya kata salah seorang anak muda yang kebetulan duduk disebelahku, pertunjukkan dengan tarian-tarian yang gegap gempita dan menghentak-hentak energik itulah yang membuat ia datang ke gereja yang katanya 'sesuai dengan jiwa anak muda'. Aku sih cuma manggut-manggut saja sok memahami saat dia berkata demikian....walau dalam hatiku, aku merasa terganggu dan semakin merindukan gerejaku yang dulu....yang lebih mengutamakan saat teduh dan memberikan kesempatan bagi setiap pribadi untuk melakukan penyembahan kepada Tuhan di dalam keheningan yang membawa damai dan ketenangan bagi jiwa.....hmmm....perlahan memang aku telah meninggalkan kategori usia muda, namun bukan berarti aku tidak lagi berjiwa muda. Kalau dalam urusan berdoa dan penyembahan padaNya, tidak perduli berapa usiaku, rasanya aku lebih merindukan berada dalam suasana tenang...dimana bukan hanya pikiranku dapat lebih terfokus, tapi juga membuat jiwaku lebih tenang....dan didalam hening dan ketenangan seperti itulah, biasanya dapat kurasakan damai dan kunikmati moment indahku bersama DIA yang kusembah....

Maafkan aku ya Tuhan. Kalau aku seperti "cerewet" dan terlalu "demanding". Karena seharusnya dalam situasi apapun dan dimanapun, tidak menghalangiku untuk dapat merasakan kehadiranMu. Atau barangkali sudah saatnya aku mengganti jam ibadahku ke minggu pagi, dimana lebih banyak orang-orang yang "lebih tua", yang mungkin juga sama-sama merindukan ketenangan saat datang beribadah dan menyembahMu....

Our Loving Fathers, Our Hero...

Not only as a best friend to each other, but many times there are many similarities between my self and Stella. Also about how we both admiring our daddies, and the fact that today we both have to accept that our dads are getting weaker and they have health problem as they are getting older. Another similarity, that both of our dads are Bataknese and just celebrated their 70 y.o. on last December 2007. And we both are always get panic and stress whenever our dads have to be hospitalized or do some emergency health exam. I believe that not only me, but also to my friend, Stella, that we never want to loose our dads... and it is difficult for us to accept the fact that our dads are getting older and older ... their health getting worsen than before, and we are now seems like running with time to do our best for our dads....to make them happy while we can, to make them proud with us.... 

My father is suffered with diabetes and hyper tension. Last year, he was hospitalized for more than 3 times. But today he looks much better. While Stella's father are suffered from kidney problem, and now everyday in his life he has to clean his blood with machine. This must be not only difficult for him, but also to Stella. When I visited him last night, my eyes swell with tears when I saw him lying down on his bed. He is so much different than the last time when I met him during Stella's engagement day on last July 2007 [I wrote about how I admired Stella's dad on my last blog here]. But despite his weakness, I also saw his big heart and spirit that still alive within him. He told me last night that he still want to write more poems [he is a poet]. He gave me his book of poetry wrote by him. And on the cover page, he specially wrote for me, "Untuk terkasih Lia boru Marpaung. Kami hanya menyumbang setepek batu untuk membangun sebuah tugu". I read all his poems with tears as I was very touched with what he wrote it there. So beautiful poems, and made by a man that not only wise but also have a big heart ! 

On one of his poem, he wrote about how much he miss the house of God. Because of his illness, now he can't go to the church anymore. But he is missing badly to go there and how much he want to go there again, even if its only at the ground of the church.  I feel ashamed with my self when heard him saying this, how bad I am,  a person who always have many excuses for not attending Sunday's service at church ! 

Being with Stella's dad last night, it turns to made me feel missing my dad too. I feel like want to run away to my own dad, and telling him how much I love him ! Not like Stella' dad who can express his feeling thru poem, my dad is a kind of person whom are not easy to express his own feeling even to his own children. He was a soldier, and get used with military's style. But with his own way, we still can always feel his love for us. Specially to me. Since childhood 'till I turned into working life, it was my father that always drove me from home to school and to the office. Even when I already have my own driver, many times he spent his time to pick me up from everywhere. Especially when its night time! I also still remember when I was about 17 y.o. and attended my first time disco party at a friend's house. My father was waiting for me at the outside of my friend's house... bite by mosquito, patiently waiting 'till I finished the party!  When I was living in Papua [and I already got married on that time], he never forget to call me, almost everyday, just to make sure that 'am just fine ! He even call me more often than my hubby ! :) 

So here is for my loving father. That as children, calling you "Daddy" was something that I did naturally. As adult, calling you "Daddy" is something that I did with pride. Even though I can not always be together everyday with you, but hope that you will always know, whatever I do, wherever I go, there is one thing that I will never outgrow, and that is my love for you, beloved dad !

My dear God, pleaseeee,..... bless my dad. Stella's dad. Let them have a good health. A happy life on their old age. And have a mercy on us, bless us too, dear God. So that we can make our fathers happy and proud with our presence. 

Today's Joke

Three women: one engaged, one married and one a mistress, are chatting over lunch and conversation turns to their relationships. They decided that night to surprise their men. All three would wear a black leather bra and thong, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes. 

A few days later they meet up for lunch. 

The engaged women: "The other night when my bf came over, he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you'. Then we made love all night long." 

The mistress: "Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather outfit, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex for hours." 

The married woman: "I sent the kids to stay at my mother's house for the night. When my husband came home, I was wearing the leather bra, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. He walked in the door, looked at me and said, ' What's for dinner, Batman?" 

Whose Job is it ?

This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and "Everyone" was sure "Somebody" would do it. "Anybody" could have done it, but "Nobody" did it. "Somebody" got angry about that, because it was "Everybody's" job. "Everybody" thought "Anybody" could do it, but "Nobody" realized that "Everybody" wouldn't do it. It ended up that "Everybody" blamed "Somebody", when "Nobody" did what "Anybody" could have done. 

" We can do no great things, only small things with great love." [Mother Theresa] 

U Can Do It....Stay Focus

Below are SMS exchanged with my 8 y.o niece, Christie, at 8.15 pm today. 

me: hi sweety, have u received a note book from me this afternoon ?

Christie : yes !!! Thanks, aunt. Where r u ? 

me: on my class. Listening my lecturer saying bla bla bla :) 

Christie: hahaha ! sama kayak mamah. Di sms juga lagi dengerin her teacher. 

me: Oyaa ?  

Christie: Kok bisa sms-an di kelas sih, aunt ? 

me: ummm, 'am just bit boring listening this bla bla bla man in my class....:) 

Christie: hahaha ! nggak takut ketahuan teacher, aunt ? We forbid to use handphone in my school, aunt. Selesainya jam berapa ?

me: Do it under my desk. 9pm. Aunty borrinngggg neeehhh.....:( 

Christie: OMG [Note: Oooh My God !!!] so loooong ??? 

me: so now u know why am feeling bore hehehe 

Christie: Aunt, u always telling me to listen to my teachers @ school...u can do it, aunt ! Stay focus to ur study....hehehe 

me: geee....you just sounds like me, huh ??? :) 

Christie: stop sms !!! call me tmr morning before I go to school yaa, aunt. 

me: yes, mom !!! mmmuach....sweety....

Christie: Bye.....:) 

So now, whenever I feel dizzy, bored, sleepy, tired, etc during my class [or any other similar situation in life], I will remember on what my niece told and reminds me thru her sms tonigh. 

You can do it, aunt. Stay focus ! 

Save the Mother, Save the Future

Below is some material given from dr. Willy and I'd like to post it here for my and your reading too. Just to get us aware on this issue. 

"Berdasarkan data Badan Pusat Statistik 2005 menunjukkan, secara nasional angka kematian ibu adalah 262 per 100,000 kelahiran hidup. Jadi setiap jam, ada satu ibu meninggal karena proses kehamilan dan persalinan. Penyebab langsung kematian ibu adalah perdarahan, eklampsia, infeksi, abortus, dan partus macet. Keterlambatan mengenal tanda bahaya, mencapai fasilitas kesehatan, dan mendapatkan pertolongan di fasilitas layanan kesehatan turut mengakibatkan kematian ibu melahirkan. Faktor lain adalah terlalu banyak melahirkan, terlalu muda punya anak [kurang dari 20 tahun]" 

[As Quoted from Health Ministry]  

Jadi harus berapa banyak lagi jiwa ibu dan bayi yang menjadi korban akibat ketidaktahuan dan ketidakpedulian kita ????

All about Power !

On a political discussion today, Rama Pratama, a member of DPR RI, spoke confidently that those young Indonesian people are ready to take over the political leadership in Indonesia. The only problem found that those young talented people [still] do not provide with adequate opportunity. He also expressed his opinion that here in Indonesia, it is young people need to understand the elder and need to be "wise" when dealing with those elder people in politics. 

Referring it to the new movement of former Golkar's chairman, Harmoko, I think I agreed with what Rama said. Guess that power tends to intoxicate ! Instead of having a relaxing retirement, Harmoko preferred to get the power back and live in its ecstasy.... an everlasting power...! 

Moments

You will find as you look back upon your life, that the moments that stand out are the moments when you have done things for others...

[When I asked my self, what did I have done for others in this life...] 

R.A Kartini and A Better Healthcare Service

[a picture together with the midwives and TBAs 

at Galesong Selatan Health Center, 

Takalar district, South Sulawesi] 

On my last day in Makassar, dr. Willy took me away to Takalar district, about 1.5 hours driving from the main city of Ujung Pandang. Here the local government has fostered a partnership program between TBAs [Traditional Birth Attendants] or in bahasa we called "Dukun Beranak" or "Sanros" in local languange] and the midwives. By this partnership program, the local government with support from the UN is trying to empower women, especially to those living in rural districts, where women are in weak positions, including when comes to deciding where and how they will give birth. So this program is basically to address the growing need of better healthcare for pregnant women. 

As stated by dr. Willy that in the past most of birth deliveries in this area [and to other part of Indonesia too] were still assisted by the unskilled birth attendants. Complication during pregnancy were not detected because the sanros did not have necessary knowledge because they believed in ancient myths and used mantras as remedies. So whenever complication occurred during birth delivery, very often it was too late to treat and save the woman's life. For example, Papua has the highest mortality rate, I've wrote about this before and you can read it here. 

Most maternal deaths often resulting from infections and hemorrhage, occur at home were delivery are not attended by the professional trained midwives. But most of pregnant women living in village always go to sanros for advice and help during pregnancy. Not only that, Sanros often come to live with the mother a few weeks before and after the child birth. They helped with washing, cleaning the house and cooking the meals for the whole family too. Not only because of these benefit that villager still prefer to used sanros' services instead of midwives, but also because they also accepted bananas, rice or coconuts as payment ! But with the new partnership, today the traditional healers can introduce medical check-ups and midwives will aid the pregnancy. So by this program, today birth delivery in this district attended by both of midwives and the sanros. They worked together on helping the mother, but sanros no longer provide birthing services but more take on the other roles. 

Now almost 100% of birth in Takalar were attended by midwives, and this has bring the impact on reducing the mortality rates and lowering the rate of newborn death. Hope that this program will also help on giving access for a better healthcare service even since born, and at the end for the poverty eradication. 

Ibu Kartini, who has inspired Indonesian women for better education and its gender equity, were died because of complication during birth delivery, so in her memorial today, let save the mother. Let us invest on woman, and let them have a better access on education and healthcare. 

My Today's Musing

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people move our souls to dance. They awaken us to a new understanding with the passing whisper of their wisdom. Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon. They stay in our lives for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same. 

"A new friend is like new wine, when it has aged you will drink it with pleasure." 

Nice People

On my 4th day here in Makassar, together with my hubby and our good friend, Sandy, we have a very nice dinner and fruitful discussion together with my former seniors in UNICEF. The Chief of Makassar office, Bapak Purwanta Iskandar and the Senior Health Officer, dr. Willy Kumurur. 

What I can share with you here that 'am proud to know them. They both are some of my circle of "nice people". And nice people are always like "a mystery" to me. You will never know what's inside their heart, but you will always feel their presence and their warmth. So find your circle of "nice people" in your life. It is not money that can make you feel wealthy, but love and friendship from them. They make your life precious. 

More about my owned circle of "nice people" here in this town... philosophy of "ilmu padi". That's what I learnt from those senior people. The more you know, the more "humble" you have became.  

Friends Everywhere...

Today is my 3rd day here in Makassar. I finally gave up to find a local dive operator that can bring me to browse the underwater world here. I was surprised that even though Makassar is surrounded by the ocean, but there is still none of official dive operator. They only have the "POSSI" group and the navy. I tried to meet some of them, but unfortunately some of the dive master recommended by my friend are not available this time. I feel bit disappointed with this, but then my hubby promised me that he will bring me for a dive in Bunaken, North Sulawesi, hopefully by the end of May ! Yessss..... !!! 

Gloomy is just not my middle name ! Hehehe....to what a surprise, my very best friends from Biak whom are like my own brother and sister and their family, are here in Makassar too. And also my previous colleagues when I was working in Papua. So we all met this afternoon, and have a great time and a long chit-chat till this midnight ! So thanks alot for cheering me up again to Gerald & Lisa, Om Longa, Om William, pak John Tupamahu, Sandy, and dr. Willy Kumurur !

Every gathering with friends are also an opportunity to learn more about many thing. Today together with Sandy, dr. Willy and my hubby, we discussed about social issues that touched on people's everyday life. I personally have an interest to learn more about health intervention program on women and young girls. Also to the innovative program such as a partnership between midwives and TBAs [Traditional Birth Attendance or what we called "dukun beranak"]. I have involved on these program when I was working on mother and child health program in Papua. But has been away from this issue for these last few month, and now look forward to learn more on the update again. This week-end we will visiting a local health center in Takalar district to meet some of the TBAs and midwives, and will observe on how it works first hand. I will try to write more on this matter latter. My thanks to dr. Willy for being not only a good brother, but also a mentor on this matter [and thanks for teasing me more and more about that "dempoo" things too...hehehe] 

Surrounded by good friends....not only in our home-based, but in every where we go, is a wealth weight in gold to me ! 

[For my dear tella and joyce, big hug for you girls...!]  

I Am Still Learning

Today I met an old friend of mine, here in Makassar. Even though 'am quite often visiting this town, but due to various of reason from both side, we always post-pone our meeting...'till today. But seems that things are bit different now. With time flies by, we both are kind of a new person to each other.

He said 'am changed. I said he is changed. He said I become "too liberal". While I said, he become very fanatic. He could not accept that I married a man from what he said a "non-believer". He said I need to repent. And it means by bring my man to my "belief". He said 'am doing a biggest mistake in life. He said I crucified our God for the second time.

Then I just smiled. Like the other similar conversation that I have for these past few years, I decided to let them talked and I just listen when jumped into this kind of topic.

For those who still blame me for doing this, and said that 'am doing a mistake, let me say you this here... that to me, the biggest mistake that people make in life is NOT making a living at doing what they most enjoy. I never regret that I married a man, whom you may said from a "non-believer". He is the most important man in my current life that God gave me. My other half, and I do enjoy sharing this life together with him.

So let me, like what you said, enjoying my "mistake". And live with it. We both are still learning about this marriage life and other lesson in life. I know for sure, that my God will never leave me just because 'am married this man. My God have the most biggest heart. To understand me. And other human being. HE is there with Christian. Muslem. Budha. Hindhu. Even with those who don't believe HIM.

I know that 'am not a perfect one. Including in the way I understand this life or what God wanted me to do in my life. But in this limitation within me, I will never stop to keep learning ...even about things that I do not know or [still] can not do. Pablo Picasso said that, " I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it".

So my friend, I am glad that we finally met today. Our meeting reminds me again that I still need to learn more about so many things in life. Including to understand our self and other people. Our thinking, what other people's think about us. What to do. How to do.

Life is so precious !

Return To My Element

After few months never do any sea-sport, so last week-end together with my hubby we went to Putri Island. This island is one island between many of "thousand islands" off North Jakarta. In bahasa it called "Kepulauan Seribu" [or the thousand islands] which is a group of small island scattered in the bay of Jakarta. It said that this thousand islands actually have about 11o islands. 

We departed from Marina Ancol on  Saturday early morning. By speed boat, it took 1.5 hours to go to Putri Island. Like the other island, Putri island offers sandy beach and crystal clear water all around. Other than nice wooden resort, they also have a mini sea-world on their restaurant and lobby, and an outdoor aquarium and a glass tunnel inside. There are more than 10 baby sharks on its mini sea-world. Without current like in their real home at the ocean, they must never stop swimming to get oxygen ! I feel sorry and somehow can feel that they must feel depressed. 

Together with some other new friends, I went for four times dive in that two short days. We went for dive to the nearby islands [Pemagaran and Tongkeng island]. This time I finally dive into 21m depth. [Normally I can only went to max 15m depth !] Even though can't compare to Papua [of course laaah !], but the islands also have their own beauty. I can see a small turtle, stingrays, lion fish, sea horses, colorful nudy-brand and some more. 

Whenever I dive into the deep, I feel not only excited but also bit scared with its mystery. But when 'am not in there, always have a strong feeling to return again to its mystery and its beauty of the underwater world. 

So yesss.... I feel alive when I return back to my element....to the blue ocean ! Can't stop admiring God for HIS beautiful art ! 

Why Suicide ?

On my way home last two nights ago, I was shocked with an incoming sms from my brother. He told me that one his friend, A-liang, has passed away on last April 8th. He was suicide from the 12th floor of Gajah Mada Plaza. I heard about the incident from the morning's news on that day, but I don't have any clue that the victim is someone that I know quite well. The TV reporter said his name is Djoko. I knew him as Djoho or what we always called him, A-liang. 

I knew him from my older brother. Last time I met him was on my last birthday party on January 11th. Together with my brother and his other six friends, A-liang came and celebrated my birthday together on that evening. Then I never met A-liang again 'till I heard what happened to him. 

I believe that an individual has a right to end his life. Including if the person choose to end his life with this term of "suicide". Not only to A-liang, suicide cuts across all sex, age, and economic barriers. People of all ages complete suicide, men and women as well as young children, the rich as well as the poor. No one is actually immune to this tragedy. And whether we accept this fact or not, suicide was an individual decision, rational or not. It was his choice, not us. 

Why would anyone, like A-liang, willingly hasten or cause his own death ? Mental health professionals who have been searching for years for an answer to this question generally agree that people who took their own lives felt trapped by what they saw as a hopeless situation. Whatever the reality, whatever the emotional support provided, they felt isolated and cut off from life, friendships, etc. Even if no physical illness was present suicide victims felt intense pain, anguish, and hopelessness. John Newer, the author of After Suicide, says, "He or she probably was choosing death as much as choosing to end this unbearable pain."

But sometimes there are no apparent causes. No matter how long and hard we search for a reason, we won't be able to answer the "WHY" question in our head. Just like in this A-liang's case. I have no idea whether he is unhappy with his life, his own self, or whatever. When I met him or my other brother's circle of friends, he looks happy. Smiling. Laughing. Teasing each other. I still remember that evening when he was jokingly asking me to be his counsellor. Now I asked my self whether it was a joke, or he means it ??? [Please forgive me for being not sensitive on this matter, for ignored the message that he may try to alert us on that evening...] 

Today I remember again on what Mother Theresa said about Poverty. Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, ... is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat. 

[For A-liang, I wish that from your current place you are now able to see things clearly ....that your friends miss you and they love you. If only you give them a chance, ... your family may not wanted you for whatever reason, but since you've been staying in your new house in Puncak...I wish you never leave that house, a place with people who can give you love and comfort, .... Your friends there told me that if only your family do not take you out for that Imlek day, if only you are able to return to that house again....you may still alive and dancing with them....and I can still meet you during my visit there....]

Choose Our Thoughts

You must be agreed with me, that life is tough. Sometime the demand of our life could also be overwhelming. We all get knocked down occasionally, and get discouraged. We should not pretend that nothing bad ever happens to us. My pastor once said that bad things happened to good people. But of course, obviously, we can't ignore problem and live in denial. 

But when we get depressed or discouraged, we need not to remain in there. We can choose our thoughts. When you are not happy, nobody is forcing you to be unhappy. Nobody's coercing you to be sarcastic or sullen. You decide what will you entertain in your mind ! 

We can choose our thoughts. Just think about your thinking. 

Goal

A young man worked as a runner in an advertising firm. One day he said to his manager, "I am leaving. I'm going to be a drummer." The manager then said, "I didn't know you played the drums." He replied, "I don't, but I'm going to."

A few year later that young man played in a band with Eric Clapton and Jack Bruce, and it was called Cream, and the young man's name was Ginger Baker. 

He became what he wanted to become before he knew he could do it. 

He had a goal. 

My 24 Golden Hours

Sleep by midnight. Then woke up almost late afternoon. That's what I've been doing for these last few weeks. And today, I regret it ! For I have lost those precious hours while 'am [busy] sleeping. 

For everyday we are handed 24 golden hours only. They are one of the few things in world that we get it free of charge. But even if we had all the money in this world, still we couldn't buy an extra hour. It is given only once. Once we wasted, we just can not get it back. 

So starting tomorrow, I promised to wake up early morning. But [keep] sleeping late night. 

Journey of Life

As life moves on, so I move on with this new blog account from the previous account here. 

So let me welcome my self. Let this blog be the witness of my journey of life. From where I started to where I am today, and where I am going tomorrow. From nothing to something as I am today. 

It may not an easy journey. But let me continue and dwell on it ....a journey where people would remember me, as the man who won millions hearts. 

Dancing. Dreaming. Living. And Loving.